Weekly NFL picks column
A recent America Online posting carried the headline: “These Men Most Likely To Hit 100.”
Clicking on the story, I was informed: “A recent review of World War I draft cards, done by the University of Chicago's Center on Aging, revealed some interesting clues about what it takes to live to be 100. Researchers found that, in that group of men at least, those who lived to be centenarians were most likely to:
- be farmers;
- have four or more children;
- have a thin or medium build;
- be born to women younger than 25.
All this flies in the face of the conclusion I’d drawn through my own in-depth research over the years.
I thought Red Sox catcher Doug Mirabelli was the man most likely to hit 100.
St. Louis 19, Atlanta 17 – Reports out of St. Louis indicate Rams wide receiver Drew Bennett aggravated his hamstring last Sunday. Big deal. My wife aggravates me every day.
Washington 21, Buffalo 7 – It seems to me Buffalo’s offense takes the organization’s mailing address a bit too literally on game day: One Bills Drive.
Minnesota 27, Detroit 24 – Central Michigan University has a defensive back by the name of Tommy Mama. His father’s name is Gerard. Gerard is Papa Mama.
Tennessee 20, Houston 16 – Weighing in at 271 pounds, well up from his last listed playing weight of 229, former Detroit Lions-Oakland Raiders wide receiver Mike Williams recently came in and won himself a roster spot with the Titans. Two-hundred and seventy-one pounds? Well, the Titans did say they were looking for a “wide” receiver.
Indianapolis 28, Jacksonville 27 – In a span of a little more than two weeks, defensive lineman Simeon Rice was released by the Broncos and Colts. It would appear as though Rice’s career is over. He’s fried, Rice.
Miami 3, New York Jets 2 – Last weekend, Pittsburgh’s Heinz Field played host to four high school games and the Pitt Panthers’ game with South Florida. On Monday night, the good folks at the stadium let the jayvees (the 2007 Dolphins) play on the field.
San Diego 21, Kansas City 14 – Seen the Vizio commercial where LaDainian Tomlinson is sitting on a couch with his helmet on? That will be the position the Chargers’ running back assumes in another five or six weeks.
Philadelphia 23, Seattle 22 – The Eagles punter is named Sav Rocca. I’m not so sure it’s a good thing when your punter’s name sounds like a foot ointment.
San Francisco 10, Carolina 9 – Chargers special teams coach Steve Crosby now admits his claim that a hippopotamus broke free from the San Diego Wild Animal Park and took up residence in his backyard swimming pool earlier this fall was a story he made up in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere after players were forced to evacuate and practice in Arizona as wildfires raged in the area. “I couldn’t believe how many people didn't think it was a joke,” Crosby said. “It was amazing. I saw it being reported by ESPN and the NFL Network … The amazing thing is not one person in the media called to see if it was a true story. They just reported it. It’s crazy.” Even harder to believe, this past week 49ers head coach Mike Nolan said he spotted an NFL quarterback in his team’s locker room. Some stories, however, are simply beyond belief.
New Orleans 19, Tampa Bay 16 – I’m at that age where my doctor is suggesting some sort of medication for memory loss is becoming an option, but I wonder: How will I ever remember to take it?
Cleveland 24, Arizona 20 – Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt wasn’t issuing Mike Barr any vote of confidence following last Sunday’s loss to the 49ers, a game in which his season-long struggles continued when he shanked a 17-yard punt in overtime. “There are no guarantees there’s anybody out there who can come in and do a better job,” Whisenhunt said, “but certainly that’s something, especially at this time of year when we do have a chance, that we have to look at.” Sounds like Whisenhunt may be about to raze the Barr.
Denver 26, Oakland 15 -- Broncos rookie running back Selvin Young? Selvin? I thought he was one of Dave Seville’s singing Chipmunks: You know, Selvin, Simon and Theodore.
New York Giants 21, Chicago 20 – On paper, though, this looks like an absolute mismatch. The Bears are the “Monsters of the Midway.” The Giants have an offensive tackle named Guy Whimper.
Pittsburgh 37, Cincinnati 21 – Neither the Steelers nor the Dolphins snapped the ball from inside their opponents’ 20-yard line until less than four minutes remained in Pittsburgh’s 3-0 win last Monday night. Red zone? It might as well have been the Red Sea. Which, come to think of it, is precisely what Heinz Field looked like on that rain-drenched night.
New England 27, Baltimore 6 (Monday night) – The Ravens run the “Edgar Allan Poe Offense.” It’s a horror story.
Last week: 8-5
Flawless Farley’s NFL picks column appears in The Sunday Enterprise.