What a Life

Meg Duncan is a columnist for the Courier-Post
Meg Duncan
Courier-Post Columnist
Posted: May. 2, 2019 5:19 pm

All the airhead things I did from birth to my late twenties, I kinda figured were okay since my older and wiser years were to come.

Little did I know I'd be too tired and old, to gracefully execute these older and wiser years.

Yesterday we were driving downtown and as I went down the exit from Veteran's Road, I scratched my head.

Uh - does anyone know where we are going?”

I couldn't remember for the life of me.

We are going to the Lighthouse to walk up the stairs.”

The kids yelled from the backseat with no momentary pause or even an “ummm….well let’s see.”

Nope. They just knew right off the bat.

"Why on earth would we do that?" I asked them. "Is there a McDonald's up there or something?"

"No mom, it's for exercise."

I guess that makes sense as something an older and wiser person would do to maintain a healthy lifestyle and live longer.

Except that I almost died by the time we got to the top.

Truth is, being older and wiser isn’t what I cracked it up to be.

A lot of it involves total frustration I don’t even know to express - and even if I do express it then no one actually listens.

Even my meltdowns are often dismissed.

Walking into the kitchen and sinking into my chair totally exasperated.

I'm just done! That's it. Done!”

They didn’t even look up. Shawn put his hand under his chin.

Connor, you got a T to make TV?”

He shook his head. I threw my hands up.

No seriously. I'm throwing every single thing away that I find on the floor. Legos. Tools. Transformers. EVERY. SINGLE. THING!”

Connor stomped his feet.

Woohoo! Triple word score!”

I stomped my feet.

It's like people think I'm Susie Homemaker. I'm just not. PEOPLE. We gotta pick up our crap!”

Shawn looked up for a moment.

HAHA. I just turned twist into twists. 55 points!”

I leaned forward.

Oh - actually you would have made more points over here on zoo.”

Shoot. Oh well I have a blank still.”

Connor’s head shifted to the side.

Mom, what were you saying? Something about Susie?”

I waved my hands.

Oh forget it. Give me some letters. Somebody’s missing a triple word score.”

And more exhausted and frustrated I get, the worse my anxiety gets, especially when it comes to social media.

People like me (over-thinkers) cannot handle the love button option on Facebook. Every single time I see a post now, I agonize over whether to like it or love it - okay maybe not agonize but I definitely ponder it.

Will it hurt someone's feelings if I only like their new job status? And why the heck wouldn't everyone on my friend's list LOVE that story I just posted? Even worse, maybe someone's like is actually just a little dig.

Yeah...haha...I like your dog pic, but I definitely don't love it.

And what if you just aren't that close?

Maybe it's too soon to love her bathroom selfie. Maybe I shouldn’t love it at all.

How long should you be friends before moving to the next level? Is it freaky to love someone's 2010 vacation pics?

I think it might be - that level of stalking probably requires total anonymity if you want to keep a non-creepy reputation.

The haha button really only causes me concern that I will be the one who accidentally hits it on a “I lost my job and the dog just died.” post.

Due to my fear of confrontation, I can't even discuss the angry button without breaking out in hives.

Although sometimes even the most simple encounters can get weird thanks to social media.

A friend who I haven’t had an actual conversation with in twenty years takes a weekly selfie with her sister who I have never met in my entire life, but when I just so happen to run into the girl at Walmart. I feel like I already know her.

Oh hey there girlfriend! I love your new hair. Plus that shirt you wore in last week’s selfie—super cute!”

Gripping her purse and backing away slowly from me, I suddenly remember this girl has no idea who I am. So I just make the situation worse.

Don’t freak out! You don’t actually know me. I just look at pictures of you all the time.”

Forgetting where I am going. Trying to get my family to notice me. And navigating social media.

What a Life.

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