Father of suicide victim discusses bullying

“I’d give the world and everything in it to put our little boy back in his momma’s arms just one more time,” said Kirk Smalley of Oklahoma, who shared his family’s tragedy with the more than 100 people attending an anti-bullying forum Tuesday night at the Hannibal Knights of Columbus hall.
Smalley and his wife, Laura, travel across the country to help people understand the importance of stopping the suicides of children who are victims of bullying.
Smalley said their 11-year-old son, Ty, took his life on May 13, 2010, after being bullied at school. Ty had finally reacted against the bully and was punished at school, where his mother worked. She took him home, and before she arrived back that afternoon he had shot himself.
Now Smalley travels to speak at schools and for organizations to help people understand that everyone needs to work together to prevent future tragedies such as his family experienced.
Smalley was invited to Hannibal by Wesley Neff, whose 13-year-old son, Preston, has been the victim of bullying on a bus from Hannibal Middle School.
Neff organized the open forum Tuesday, and became emotional when he realized that more than 100 people were present to share his concerns. After thanking the crowd for being there, he spoke through tears to add, “it means a lot.”
The crowd included families and school officials, such as Dr. Jill Janes, superintendent of schools, and middle and high school principals. Neff’s group is called Communities Against Bullying.
Before the meeting, Neff said things at school were now better for Preston, who has a form of autism. He no longer rides a school bus. “I pick him up,” he said. “Vice Principal Blane Mundle has taken an active role in helping him,” Neff said. “He’s tried hard to do what’s right.”
Before introducing Smalley, Neff said that since the December incident involving his son being bullied on a bus, he decided people could “fix this” by working together.
Middle school principal, Ken Treaster, allowed Smalley to speak Tuesday, Neff said, and “the school’s response within an  hour was tremendous.”

Students willing to help

Smalley, who represents the organization “Stand for the Silent,” said after he spoke at the middle school earlier Tuesday, he received texts from students saying “they are willing to make a change and make a difference. ... I think you are going to see some changes.”
Neff reported Hannibal Middle School had started a “Stand for the Silent” organization, and he believes it is the first in the state of Missouri.
Smalley said each school “needs to have one central location” for reports of bullying, so if it happens to a student several times, school personnel can become active in stopping it. Smalley gave an example of one girl being bullied several times during one day, and each time a different adult witnessed it, but each one said it was not reported because “it was just a little thing.” One said he “didn’t think it meant enough to be reported.”
On the day his son died, Smalley said, someone “started picking on him. He had had enough and retaliated.”
The school punished him and his mother was told to pick him up. She took him home and when she returned at 2:39 p.m., “he had taken his own life.”
He and his wife were so devastated, Smalley said, that nine days later when a tornado was “heading right toward our house,” they sat and waited for the tornado to come.” (It missed their home).
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 24, Smalley said, with only car wrecks taking more lives. Another fact he reported was that “25 percent will not only think about suicide but have a plan on how they would take their own life.”
Emphasizing that “we have to put our children first, Smalley said. “We have to get that message to our lawmakers and get adults involved.”
The students themselves are willing to help each other, he said, reporting he has spoken before “50,000 kids” in schools, “and I haven’t seen one school where kids weren’t willing to become involved.”
Showing a hand sign for “I love you,” he said it means “I support you and I got your back.” All students have been a bully’s victim or been a bully or have seen someone be bullied and have not stood up for them, he said. Being at home is no longer a safe haven, he added, because of bullying by text or internet. And taking away a phone is harmful because, “kids live by that means of communication.”
If a school takes a victim out of a class, “it puts a target on their back,” Smalley said. Instead, the school could change the bully’s class. “If a bully can’t be held accountable, the school should hold the parents accountable.”
When someone asked the difference between bullying and teasing, he said the kids know the difference. And “bullying is a sustained campaign. ... It is up to us to let our kids know we care. We believe in them. They are somebody. We got their back.”
During the forum, one parent reported she took her daughter out of the middle school after the bullying she had reported did not stop. A school official said action had been taken, but he was not allowed to give details. “The laws don’t allow us to tell what is done.”
Neff echoed what Smalley had said. “We just keep trying. Let kids know you are there and will fight for them.”